Lindo to star in Olympics
Well, the road to Gold is upon us and let me say this little street begins with me. After the first full day of watching the Olympic Trials, I have come to the conclusion that this is my chance. Never again will I be this close to competing in an Olympic event. So here is the plan. Tomorrow, right as the Men’s K1 (one person kayaking) heats are about to begin, I am going to throw my 38 inch wide, 85 pound recreational kayak over the fence and charge the course. I am certain that if I shave my legs and show up wearing a tiny pair of shorts so tight no one will want to look my way, I will be on the water before anyone recognizes me as an imposture. I then will light my one black cat firecracker, causing all the other competitors to have a false start. This disqualification will open it up for me to easily win the 500 meter in the first ever time of 9482 seconds. Now, at this point, I likely will be high tailing it out of there, because even the women out there could easily kick my butt (and that is just the ladies working the snack bar).
Well, I am on my way to the drug store to get some more disposible Bics. Watch for me, I’ll be the guy with all the razor nicks and black and blues. Stay tuned for another update.